I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
