I wish I only lived at night.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
