when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That accounts for only three of the penises
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize