I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
