Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
