She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
