My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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