this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pooping to opera.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
