i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
