did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize