3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
