is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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