I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mom said you looked used
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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