I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize