when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
