Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
