i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I AM VODKA MAN
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
