I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
