I cannot find my penis.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
