I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
