so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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