He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
