I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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