peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
