This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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