I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize