I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
