Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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