he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
