i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
