If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
