He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
