i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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