so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
