Already got asked if we're dating
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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