Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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