thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
