They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
