just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
