My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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