Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
