I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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