I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
