your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
