It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
