he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
