OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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