just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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