Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
