Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
