oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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