We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
