HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
