Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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