the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
