One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
