his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
