i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
