Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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