I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
