the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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