Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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