did you get engaged???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
