i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
