So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
