What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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