I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
