Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
