They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
as a side note pls kill me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
