just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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