I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
