Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
