Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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