The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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