it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
